MEN ARE OVERGROWN BABIES

         MEN ARE OVERGROWN BABIES

I am a man, I have few strands of hairs under my jaw, I have a baritone voice, I have few whiskers above my upper lip. Again, I stand up to urinate. Finally, I have erections every morning when I wake up.

The reason for this unconventional and outlandish style of starting an essay is to state the obvious. I AM A MAN. I am sure that my being a man will be questioned by male chauvinists and gender bigots. 

Factually, I do not in any way applaud the concept of feminism. My reason?  ‘It is a guarded secret’. All I know is that the stuff doesn’t go down well with me. It just unsettles me.

I stand in awe of great women. Their strength and panache is just out of this world-it is top-notch. Their brilliance is unparalleled. When I see them, the yearning for greatness in me bows and greets the already made greatness in them. When I stand in the threshold of their awesomeness, I never in anyway become gender conscious. Success isn’t homogenized to one gender alone. Gender prejudice is dire blasphemy to me. I am just an advocator of a level playing ground for the both genders.

When I say that men are oversized babies, I do not mean that men are infants, I do not mean that we are still suckling’s. (At least not in the real sense of being a suckling).  I mean that we are big babies who are basking in the euphoria of patriarchy.

In my early readings as a child, I remember lucidly an assertion that meant nothing to me then. It says “the higher your need, the lesser your control”.

The needs of men are countless. To mention a few; good food, good sex, good care. Etc . 

Looking at these needs,
I wouldn’t want to argue about men and culinary skills because most men can cook. (At least I do some mixings that I eat alone). 

Sincerely speaking, women dish out mouth watering meals, women alone can gift you with a good round of sex. (Forget that joke called homosexuality), women are skilled in the art of caring. When the key to satisfying a man’s stomach and his other stomach that is inches below is in the custody of a woman, the man pleads to get these.

Looking at the world today, the rate at which women are skyrocketing to the top is mindboggling. It is obvious that those few women who have been able to carve a niche out for themselves are better than trailer loads of men who bask in their fake sense of superiority when their lives are ringing bells of inferiority on a steady! You will agree with me that the arrow head of many families today are women.(daughter or mother) while men carry their pot bellies from pub to pub looking for small girls who they will lay their success on her feet in the name of sugar dadism. 

You still don’t want to stomach the fact that men are overgrown babies? Don’t worry. Keep reading and thinking.

A man looses control of himself at a mere glance of a girl who is skilled in the art of waist wiggling and stylish cum contemptuous walk that makes her ample behind nod at each step she makes. He is ready to end an important discussion in a quest to go after a skirt.

A man can engage in any possible feat just to have a glimpse of a woman’s attention. Talk about silly things!

Willie Carter Spann, nephew to the former US president, Jimmy Carter, put up the following advert in a newspaper;

“To Susan Lynn: I love you so much that I will crawl through nine miles of broken glass and razor blades to sniff the truck tires that haul your drawers to the laundry. I would fist fight a gut-shot polar bear with my hands tied behind my back for a few moments alone with you. I love you, marry me Willie Carter Spann”

He went to this extent to show how he needed her in his life for moral support maybe!

A baby, who goes out and toils endlessly, faces the rough side of life, stomachs insults from customers and all that. He hustles simply to put a smile on the face of his girlfriend or mother. When he loses a contract, he is pained, when he makes it, he surrenders all those victories of his at the foot of his wife or mother.

I couldn’t agree more with legendary American psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud when he astutely quipped that “in the greater number of ambitions, daydreams, too, we can discover a woman in some corner, for who the dreamer performs all his heroic deeds and at whose feet all triumphs are been laid”

You see, this assertion by Sigmund Freud isn’t void of truism. Imagine this world without women. Money will be useless without women!

Historically, men went for wars and met little girls who they are three times older than. They laid their hard-worn power and affluence at the feet of women in exchange for a round of sex. These overgrown babies called men have very fragile egos which they protect from being punctured. When in the presence of a beautiful girl, they feel too insecure which mostly leads to their exaggeration of their financial worth

Men are overgrown babies!

Wait, before you pick your stones and slabs and roughen the smoothest part of your tongue to lambast me read on.

Have you any day wondered why the number of widows outnumbers that of widowers? Listen, the strength of a woman comes in here. Widows remain widows but widowers tear the raiment of widower ship to shreds, erase the memory of their late wives and begin the hunt for a new wife.  I know a man who didn’t wait up to four months after the death of his wife to land another brand new tear leather wife! You might argue that he needed a woman in the house to take care of his children. Yet, we are saying the same thing! I have known my maternal grandmother since forever as a widow. She trained her eight children, buried the ones who died and she is still a widow till tomorrow. Now, that is independence and strength on display.  On the other hand, my paternal grandfather in his old age got married after his wife died. That’s dependence in plain view. Men can’t help it. They show the babyness in them on a steady. We men are weak to a fault. Behind those muscles and six packs, lies a fountain of weakness and frailty. Oftentimes, when a man displays that childishness in the public, a verbal resuscitation is given to him by a woman. “Be a man “she says!  He becomes that proverbial grass cutter that only bites when it is reminded to.  Not forgetting, behind that softness and alleged weakness lie an oasis of strength and a stream of sublimity that sweeps men off their feet.

An American house wife once said “my husband is the head of the family but I am the neck that turns the head”. This assertion isn’t bereft of truism. With this in view, it out rightly means that patriarchy is the mask the world wears to cover its true power horses “Matriarchs”. If there is any cliché that will stand the test of time, it is this; “Men rule the world but women rule the men who rule the world”.

Never forget that no matter how strong a man thinks he is, there are those moments when his only crave is to be lost in the arms of his woman. Ask Patoranking, he will tell you how his woman is his everything!

Yes! Most words I used aren’t in the dictionary. I did it on purpose to convey my message to my satisfaction.

In conclusion, men are overgrown babies who wouldn’t want to tell themselves the truth. Their attitude most times debunks the notion of their supposed superiority.

Osuchukwu, Mark Anthony

(The deranged sane man)©2015